Denial: A River In Egypt
by Kate-Emma
Summary: Complete - Maybe if I tried hard enough I could get over it. Work through it. Pretend I don't feel the way I do… a trip into Finn Hudson's mind.


_Author: _Kate-Emma  
_Pairing: _Strongly implied Finn/Rachel  
_Spoilers: _Less than none (we're behind about three weeks down here)  
_Summary: _Maybe if he tried hard enough he could get over it. Work through it. Pretend he didn't feel the way he did… Finn and Rachel.  
_Lyrics: _King of Wishful Thinking by Go West

_Dedication: _To Tarryn for starting me on this damn show. I'm addicted!

_Disclaimer: _Glee is the property of someone American, rich and creative – all things I am not! ;)

_A/N: _Okay, my first Glee fic. It's some randomness, a lot of blah (trying to get into the mind of Finn Hudson is not an easy task) and a little bit of implied fluff. If you like it, review. If you hate it, review. If you just want to tell me that Cory Monteith is hot and the boy can sing, review (because I strongly agree!). Just review!

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**Denial: A River In Egypt  
**

* * *

_I don't need to fall at your feet  
just because you cut me to the bone_

Rachel Berry.

She scares me a little bit.

Okay, that was a lie.

She scares me a lot.

Like waking up in the middle of the night making sure she's not standing at the end of my bed with a large knife and a maniacal grin quoting Jack Nicholson in _The Shining_ kind of scared.

I figure it's how forward she is.

Scary forward.

The kind of person whom, when asked her opinion, will not only give it but provide some sort of evidential support to back it up. Like she carries a pie chart everywhere showing just what she thinks of my singing. 50% potential. 45% lack of heart. 5% really?

And then there's how different she is to any girl I've known before.

The usual female genetic make-up I've learnt so far bundles down to one thing – play hard to get. Quinn Fabray, my long-time girlfriend and head of the cheerleading squad The Cheerios (we're a cliché, me and Quinn – me Quarterback and she head cheerleader – but it works somehow. Probably because she's smokin' hot) and now New Directions back-up singer, is incredibly good at it. Everyday she finds a new way to live out her Celibacy Club motto of 'ever to tease, never to please' (I heard that one from Rachel after her first visit to the Celibacy Club, a meeting that had ended disastrously for all involved).

But Rachel is different. You don't need to be the sharpest tack in the proverbial drawer to know she has a crush on me.

It's in her eyes.

Her choice of songs.

Her dance moves.

Her tone of voice.

Her… heck, it's everywhere.

And if I'm honest I didn't really dislike the attention to start with.

But when I came to like it.

Enjoy it.

Go out of my way to look for it.

Well, that was when I knew I had my own personal addiction to break.

_And I won't miss the way that you kiss me  
we were never carved in stone_

That night in the empty auditorium haunts me…

Mailman.

Better.

It had been completely from left field. I felt like crap after everything that had happened so far. Bad grades, my football friends terrorising me about New Directions, the mess that is my relationship with Quinn. I like Quinn but she is so much baggage sometimes. I want her to be simple.

Rachel Berry is simple.

Not simple stupid just not Quinn who comes with enough baggage to fill two United Airlines flights to Argentina.

Rachel Berry is easy to deal with.

With Rachel Berry you know where you stand.

Not that she doesn't come with surprises.

Pleasant surprises.

Like when she told me I could kiss her.

That was definitely a pleasant surprise.

An enjoyable surprise.

A very enjoyable s…

Mailman.

Better.

_If I don't listen to the talk of the town  
then maybe I can fool myself…_

Of course now that Quinn's pregnant and everything is slowly but surely falling into disrepair it's nice to have someone like Rachel watching my back.

It's like a line of support beams – I support Quinn, Rachel supports me.

It seems to be working.

Except of course for those dreams I have which I would never share with anyone. Not even you so don't ask about those dreams.

Let's just say they're not PG-13 and leave it at that.

I can't help it.

She's touchable, where Quinn isn't.

But at the same time untouchable, because Quinn's having my baby.

This is so messed up.

Thank goodness for New Directions and the distraction it provides.

Distractions are always a good thing for a boy my age…

_I'll get over you  
I know I will  
I'll pretend my ship's not sinking_

It's not like I'm in love with her.

I don't know enough about her to even be anywhere near that stage.

I don't even like her if that's what you're asking. No way.

She just intrigues me.

I think.

Maybe that's the word I'm looking for. She makes me smile. Makes me think. Makes me work harder in practice. Makes me want to do my best.

Rachel Berry; saving the world one song at a time.

Don't give her any ideas otherwise she'll start planning her autobiography.

Probably already has.

Another thing that makes me smile.

I have no idea what I'm having for dinner let alone where I want to be in ten years time. But Rachel does. She knows it back-to-front and inside out. Not that she shares the exact details with me. Says she'll jinx it or something like that. She's too superstitious.

But this coming from the guy who wears a lucky pair of socks to football games. The socks from our first win.

Putting aside our first win was less about luck and more about freaking out the opposition by dancing Beyonce. And Kurt's goal. The guy can kick!

I'm getting off the subject though because my point is this – I, Finn Hudson, am not in love with Rachel Berry. Really.

_And I'll tell myself I'm over you  
because I'm the king of wishful thinking_

I think…


End file.
